BJ Like A Boss. The name said it all really. And that promise along with free champagne was enough for me and a group of my friends to venture out on a cold, wintry Thursday. It was already dark when we made it to Wild Secrets HQ. Turning down a dark alley next to a large grey warehouse was a little daunting at first, but going through the doors and up the stairs we found ourselves in a cozy, beautiful space with gorgeous art and soft lighting everywhere. Music played gently in the background and long tables were clustered together, each chair with a tantalising bag of something sitting on the seat. It was like stepping into sultry, secret haven, and honestly, a strangely perfect setting for learning everything there was to know about blowjobs.
“Hi, welcome to BJ like a Boss, I’m Melissa!”
I’d seen her on Insta, of course, but the warm, bubbly person you see in her reels? Exactly who she is in real life. As we found seats and started going through our goodie bags – more on those later – I watched Melissa welcome every guest personally. I know she was the host and all, but she put every one of us at ease. Talking about blowjobs and how much we love dick in public is different and almost confronting if I’m honest, and Melissa tackled that head on.
The icebreaker
“So what’s your most embarrassing or funny sex story?” I asked Andrea, who had just taken a sip of champers.
“No you go,” Andrea said, once she’d finishing spluttering.
“I asked first.”
“Fine, fine, I was so pent up when I met my fiancé’s parents for the first time, he suggested a massage beforehand, which turned into a quickie and then I queefed right as they were saying grace over dinner.”
“Oh my god you did not!”
“I did, your turn.”
Around us I could hear laughter fill the room as we all traded embarrassing tales, and looking back, it did make us all more relaxed. After all, talking about how to massage a penis was nothing after those stories. Sorry Andrea, but you did know I was writing this article.
Getting handsy
The main event was very hands on. Melissa guided us through a series of techniques and tips designed to elevate our bedroom skills. She used a variety of props to demonstrate different methods, and her explanations were clear, concise, and often punctuated with humour. From twisting your fingers around the head of the penis to what she called infinite penetration using two hands one after the other – with plenty of lube of course – to gentle thumb massage, to using props, she started with how to make sex a whole body experience for your man.
“Who knew a feather could be so versatile?” my friend Wen said with a giggle.
We learnt how to vary our grip, pressure, and speed to create different sensations, and then we moved on to the oral side of things.
BJ Like A Boss
The BJ part of BJ Like A Boss started with gasps of ‘Oh my god!’ and Melissa saying “I’m going to show you how to put a condom on with your mouth.”
And yes, we moved on to talk about deep throating, and playing with his balls, and even giving yourself a break and using the handjob techniques we’d learned earlier when your jaw gets tired – relatable, hey? – but those weren’t the key takeaway for me. One thing Melissa said that really stood out was relaxing, doing it at my pace and in a way that felt good for me.
“Grind up against something, touch yourself,” she suggested.
She also said that when you stressed out about oral, you tense up. And that tensing tightens up your body and makes it difficult to give a blowjob that anyone enjoys. More than that though, Melissa’s demonstrations covered everything from suction and lapping to creating an irresistible rhythm – and I’ve already used them to great effect! As I said to Andrea over coffee the other day, turns out there’s a lot more to BJs than enthusiasm.
For me though, the real highlight of the BJ Like A Boss workshop was the sense of camaraderie and friendship I’ve felt with the other women there. Melissa encouraged us to ask questions, share our thoughts, and support each other throughout the evening. By the end of the session, it felt like we had all known each other for years.
Goodie Bags and more
Speaking of sex tips, the goodie bags from Wild Secrets were amazing! They contained lube – an essential tool for any BJ as Melissa would say – sensual arousal gel and a crotchless, butterfly panty for when he returns the favour. There was also a sweet little bullet vibe and a Satisfyer Pro 2! Honestly I think the value of the goodies was more than the ticket price, and that’s before we got to prizes with one lucky winner walking away with a full Orchestra Pleasure Collection! I was so curious as to what was inside that one, I looked it up online. An now I may just be waiting on one to arrive.
Read more: A symphony of sensation with the Orchestra Pleasure Collection (review).
I left the workshop with a sense of confidence and empowerment. And with a load of practical skills that has definitely changed things up in the bedroom for me and my man! My friends say Melissa’s BJ Like A Boss workshop has helped them own their sexuality with pride and enthusiasm – and bring some self-awareness, communication and consent into their sex lives. I don’t know if there’s going to be more workshops, either from Melissa or at Wild Secrets, but if there is I’ll be first in line!
About Melissa Vranjes
Melissa is a Certified Holistic Sex Coach from New Zealand, who passionately advocates for female sexuality as a source of liberation and vitality. Inspired by a pivotal workshop in Bali back in 2017, she’s since trained with top sexologists, tantra practitioners, and sex educators around the globe. Her international recognition, with features in publications like Grazia Croatia, Australian Women’s Health Magazine, and Yahoo Lifestyle, speaks volumes about her expertise and dedication. You can find her on Instagram at melissavranjes.
Note: Stevie attended the BJ Like A Boss workshop as a guest of Wild Secrets.