Anal Sex for Beginners

So, whether you’re interested in trying some light stimulation or you’re after a hotdog with the lot, join us on the tushy train with this guide to anal play for beginners.

OK, let’s take it slowly. Whether you’ve got a vagina or a penis, the thousands of nerve endings around and inside your bum means you’ve got a date with pleasure ready to be taken advantage of. 

Before you invite someone else in there, take the time to get to know how it works yourself by indulging in a little solo anal play. By introducing anal experimentation during a solo pleasuring session, you’ll quickly learn what works and what doesn’t – and be more confident in calling the shots (and responding to your partner) if and when you pair up. 

When it comes to first-time anal, discussing it with your partner beforehand is essential. You should discuss how you feel about it, any fears you have, and whether it’s something you want to explore. If that discussion goes well, it’s also a good idea to talk about the actual specifics like speed, depth, and the like. You don’t want any surprises when you’re just starting out, so make sure you and your partner are on the same page!

Firstly, you need to feel comfortable and relaxed. If you’re feeling tense and nervous about it all, it isn’t going to make the experience enjoyable for anyone. 

Take a hot bath or steamy shower. Like any muscle, your sphincter knows how to contract. To avoid unwanted involuntary clenching during anal sex or play, and just to make yourself feel more ‘open’ to the experience, a relaxing hot bath or shower will do wonders. 

Not only does the warm water help stimulate blood flow around the anus, which helps stretch and relax the muscles, but you can wash your bum’s outside with soap to ensure everything is looking and feeling spic and span.

Preparation can include a pre-fun shower and cleaning, talking with your partner, and making sure you have all of the appropriate accessories like lube and condoms. 

If you can, you should go to the bathroom around 30 to 60 minutes before the fun begins. The usual rule is to at least shower, soap, or baby wipe down there before you get started. But if you want something a bit more thorough, an anal douche will do the job.

Any anal aficionado will sing from the same song book on this: use lube, and then some more, every time. 

Unlike vaginas, butts are not self-lubricating, so you’ll have to arrange that yourself. Your favourite water-based lubricant will generally be fine, although thicker, silicone-based anal lubricants can provide a smoother experience. (Beware when using silicone toys, however – silicone lube can degrade the toy material over time.)

Start by massaging around your hips and thighs to get in the mood and the blood flowing.

Okeydoke, time to try a finger. Make sure your nails are trimmed and clean, apply some lube to both finger and anus and gently get the two acquainted. Take your time before trying to insert and combine with regular masturbation to get yourself in the mood. 

For your first anal experience you want to ‘ring the doorbell’ before you put anything substantial in there. Once you’re feeling more relaxed and confident you can try slowly inserting your middle finger in a few centimetres at a time, applying more lube if required. Once you’re in, try a gentle ‘come hither’ motion to help stimulate your various erogenous zones. Feels good? Time to level up.

For first-time anal enthusiasts, choosing the right toy is super important. Fortunately, there are plenty of anal toys for beginners and many designed specifically for anal training, which help beginner receivers increase their booty ability slowly and surely to the point where they can take something the size and girth of say, their partner’s wang. 

A good place to start is with a small butt plug. These are designed to slowly increase the size the anus can accommodate until it slips in, prevented from fully disappearing up your bum (that would be bad) by a wide base at the bottom. There are numerous designs and variations out there, including plugs that vibrate, and those with remote controls, so try experimenting with a few or stick to what feels most comfortable. Most anal training kits come with multiple sizes to help you stretch your boundaries.

If you have a penis and want to experiment in some anal play of your own, there are a range of different toys designed particularly for your anatomy that target your p-spot (also known as the male g-spot).

Our tip: whether you’re experimenting on your own or with a monogamous partner, use a condom on your penis or toy to save time on clean-up. Condoms are a great idea if and when you take the next step anyway because they prevent sexually transmitted diseases.

The three most popular anal positions for beginners are: receiver lying on their stomach, doggy style and missionary. These are all great, although if you have a vagina, missionary has the least clitoral stimulation (unless you or your partner work your jazz hands at the same time). 

Some sexperts recommend receiver-on-top for beginners. This way, the receiver can take control of the pace and extent of insertion, which has the added bonus of taking the pressure off a nervous, inexperienced inserter.

Once everyone is lubed up (remember how you did that solo?) and engaged in some doorbell ringing and anal play (with fingers or small butt plugs, if you have them) it may be time for the main event. 

Remember, you can stop at any time you want, and good lovers NEVER pressure their partners to do anything they feel uncomfortable with. 

Begin by gently easing the tip of the penis into the butt-hole. Go easy, go slow, be gentle.

The tip (or glans) is the widest part of the anatomy down here and is likely to cause the most discomfort or pain (if you experience any). Relax and breathe deeply as the tip enters. Like your kegel exercises, you can learn to control the muscles around your anus, too. Use those deep breathing and mind-to-muscle control techniques to allow the tip in. 

Once you’re over that hurdle, the shaft should be smooth sailing. That doesn’t mean it’s time to start jackhammering, though. Remember, most porn is a completely unrealistic depiction of sex – so be gentle, go at your own pace, vocalise freely (including what feels good, as well as uncomfortable) and keep that communication line open. And don’t forget to have fun! 

One thing to avoid is switching from anal to vaginal sex in the one session. The unique organisms and bacteria that live in your two crevices don’t play nicely together and can result in UTIs, yeast infections and other nasties. If you MUST do both, ensure you use fresh condoms or, better still, wash the penis (or toy) thoroughly before teeing off on the next hole.  

Congratulations! So you’ve just had anal sex. Now what? 

First, check in with your partner. Make sure they’re okay and that they didn’t experience any pain or discomfort during or after the act. If everything checks out, give them a big ol’ hug because you just completed an amazing feat together. 

Next, it’s cleanup time. Head to the bathroom and get yourself a wet wipe (or five), or jump in the shower. Clean your anus, as well as your partner’s penis or strap-on if applicable. Check for any anal tears – these are normal and they should heal by themselves but if bleeding doesn’t stop within a few hours, check in with a doctor.

Everything you need to know about having anal sex for the first time. We hope you’ve learnt something with these anal tips for beginners. It’s definitely not as scary as it may seem, and with a little preparation and practice, you’ll be an anal sex pro in no time! 

Remember, relax, breathe and, if it hurts – don’t do it. Which brings us to our final word: if you don’t like anal sex you don’t have to do it! There are plenty of other sexy ways to experiment.